Artist seeking Benefactor

Where are the wealthy patrons of yore? Those rich mofos who, for whatever weird reason, would support artists of less fortunate means. I'm really in the market for one of those right about now. That was such a great system. Where the hell did it go?

I suppose my family is thinking "Isn't that what you'd freaking call us?" But no. That is different.

It just is.

For one, they aren't fabulously wealthy. They are hard working people and their giving is a sacrifice. Out of the kindness of their hearts they make sure I'm not eating cat food and dancing on Venice beach wearing a tattered purple dress that is so short it shows my old bikini bottom layered over giant, dirty underwear.

I'm talking about a truly wealthy person who gives money to an artist because it makes them look cultured and cool and better than other rich people.

I'm sure it has it's drawbacks: power plays, struggles for creative control, weird payback demands.

It still sounds better than what I've got now.

PLUS I'm hugely qualified to receive money for just being me.
For any potential benefactors reading this, you should know I'm not only good at spending my own money, I'm excellent at helping other people spend theirs. I'm not exaggerating when I say
I have elevated it to an art form.

The first thing I would do is have my patron buy the piazza sofa. I believe it is essential for my work. Then I would sit around all day thinking about stuff because that is what I do. I would buy interesting outfits and come up with more style challenges for myself. Yes, that is art! I am my own canvas. I would be eccentric and sparkley and I would really earn my position as the foremost advisor in how my patron's style budget should be spent.

Ok, admittedly this whole thing sounds like the jobs I used to create for myself when I was 10. What I wanted "to be" when I "grew up" always had a huge fairytale quality about it. This was also about the same time I actually thought I could BE a cartoon. Still a lifelong dream oddly enough.

It is interesting to note that when you type "benefactor" into google, this is the first thing that pops up:

SeekingArrangement.com/Join-Free Find Rich Benefactors or Mentors to Pamper you? 100% Free for Girls.

Please. I'm not looking for a sugar daddy.

I am an ARTIST. I have standards.

kristalally@gmail.com
serious inquiries only!