Why do they stop making things that I love? Is it personal? It feels personal.

As I've established buying pants is quite a chore. Jeans are a special kind of hell. I bought the greatest pair of Citizens of Humanity wide leg jeans years and years ago after an exhaustive search. They now have a giant hole in the knee and are deteriorating quickly. I can't let them go. I love them I love them I love them. I'm thinking of a patch for the knee or some kind of decorative reinforcement. I bought them at full price when I had no money but they were the greatest investment and had a very high "happiness" return. Am I keeping them alive for me? I don't want to be selfish. Even if I were ready to put them out of their misery, there is a slight problem: I still have no money and even worse, I can't find them any longer.

I'm not ready.

I'm not ready for another search. I know I'll never find jeans as fabulous. Nothing will ever measure up. I think even if I did find the same style they wouldn't be the same. Well obviously because they aren't the same. I know that.

I'm thinking of turning to ebay. This won't be easy because I'm not one for wearing a strangers clothes and the risk factor seems high. However, if they are really cheap, I might just do it. To fulfill a quest. I'm sure it will feel like a hollow victory.

It's a silly thing to mourn. But it really is like losing a friend that always had your backside (and tried to make it look good). It will be hard to trust again.

I'm just going to see how they do this week.

The Old Heave Ho

I was talking with my sister about recognizing when it is time to breakup with someone. We all have pie in the sky ideas of how things should go and then, well then there is reality. So when you mesh the two together the trick is finding the right balance of both. Pie in the sky isn’t attainable on a full time basis and no one could possibly live up to it after 3 months. However, the relationship needs to retain enough of your ideals to validate sticking with it.

If you think about it, a similar emotional dilemma occurs when you clean your closet. Deciding what clothes to get rid of is a difficult process. It takes a good chunk of time, it gets messy and there are usually tears.

I’m pretty sure you can use the same analytical criteria for both.
Hmmmm.
My favorite pair of jeans.
After searching and searching I finally found them and when I did, it was love at first sight.
In the beginning they made me feel so thin and sexy (when I wasn’t either) and I couldn’t wear them enough. Lately, however, it is just not the same.

• When was the last time I wore them?
• Has the style or personality changed? (yes, clothes DO have personality)
• Have I tried or thought about giving them away before?
• Do I still get excited about wearing them or are they more of a ho hum habit now?
• Do they ever make me cry?
• Can I only wear them on rare skinny days or do they make me feel good even when I’m bloated and mad at myself for eating the whole bag of oreos?
• Can I wear them with a lot of my other things or do they only go with one outfit?
• Am I a better person because of them?
• Do they make me feel like I can do anything?
• Does the amount of time I have fun in them outweigh the times when I don’t?
• Can I remember the last time we got drunk together?
• Can I remember the last time we didn’t?
• Does the possibility of breaking up with them and making room for a new pair make me happy even though I know there will be a hole in my wardrobe for a little while?
• Are they just more anxiety than they are worth?
• If I give them to goodwill so that someone else can enjoy them, will I fly into a jealous rage or will I think “good luck, sweetie. I hope they can do for you what they couldn’t for me.”
• Am I fucking sick of always trying to fit into them?

Yep. Totally the same.