Did you ever notice that when you are determined to eat just to eat, you eat the weirdest shit? I'm just going to assume you can relate.Often this is because you wisely got rid of everything junky in the house back when you were feeling healthy and strong. So, now you are forced to find something reasonably bad to help you carry out your self sabotage moment.
Hence the crackers and ranch dressing combo or the never before eaten walnuts AND peanut butter with three year old sugar in the raw sprinkled on top. And/or you get the flour and sugar down from the top most unused shelf and mix it with fake butter in an attempt to create makeshift cookie dough. Then in disgust you throw it in the garbage but immediately regret it and make some more.
It is like you just don't know what you want because you really don't want anything but you want something to make you feel better/worse. I find that these moments really punch up the fact that I have a mental problem. I try to blame PMS or free floating anxiety or just the fact that it is late at night, however, most of the time it is just passing madness. No getting around it.
Sometimes after work I stop at the grocery store and walk through every aisle telling myself I can have something while simultaneously talking myself out of everything. This is where the burden of choice can play in my favor.
It doesn't change the mental thing though.
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