A retrospective, in receipts

The problem with doing my taxes so early is that I'm not quite ready to face the cold hard truth about my year as reviewed through my expenditures.

Since I'm not really great at keeping my calendar/log/journal, my receipts are the only real marker for how I spent my time as well as my money. This Quicken thing is a killer. Categorizing is kind of my worst nightmare and I'm pretty sure I'm not even doing it right. I can't imagine what my retrospective would look like if I actually used this software to its fullest potential. Basically I think it is genius to be able to download all my transactions from various financial institutions so I'm not typing everything into a spreadsheet. I am aware that it is like buying a fancy computer and then just using Word. I know I should learn to really use Quicken. Learning about finances did move up to #2 on my list this year. I've also heard there is a 2010 version of Quicken for mac coming out soon. I do love new stuff. So perhaps this will be the year.

I do know how to run a report to get my category totals. So yes, I am awesome. I flirt with the button that says it will show me my finances in graphs and pie charts but I never actually do it. Which is weird because I love pie. Truth be told I am terribly frightened of seeing a giant pie that says "clothing - kl" with just a tiny sliver of important stuff like "retirement." Again, I am awesome.

The retrospective usually goes something like this:

"huh, did I ever wear that shirt?"
"what the heck did I buy there?"
"Oh, I love that dress, why don't I wear that more often?"
"Ok, enough hair products. That budget is getting cut this year...that reminds me I'm low on pomade."
"That's right, I haven't worn that because I never did find the right top for it. Keep looking."
"Yeah, I never could get out of the house in that."
"This sucks. I could be watching Grey's Anatomy."
"Why don't I sell some of this shit on ebay?"
"If I just did my shopping by deductible category, this would be so much easier."
"I really didn't go enough places this year to wear all this."
"Yes, that outfit only had one outing but I still think it is classic."
"No, really. What was I thinking?"
"Gosh these pugs cost a lot of money. Well, the bee costume was a necessity."
"Oh fun. I painted the apartment last year. I really should finish those shelves."
"Why haven't I collaged that table yet?"
"Holy crap on the craft supply hemorrhage! I cannot buy another thing until I use up every last thing I have."
"All in all I have very little to show for my year."

I really do need to keep a more lively journal because this shit is depressing.

Hansel and Gretel

People think it is weird that I don't want to have kids. Do you know what I think is weird? That people assume because I don't want babies that I hate them.

I've never had that "thing." That 'I want a baby' clock thing. The thought of having a baby makes me a little ill to be honest. And never ever being able to get away from being a mother (or even setting it a side for a minute) makes me want to jump off a cliff. Not to mention the getting fat part. I already have problems.

When I was younger every guy I dated loved to tell me "you'll change your mind." Let me tell you, being ignored and dismissed is a HUGE turn on.

I saw a video of a pygmy slow loris on the internet http://www.dogwork.com/superadorable/ and I researched for hours the possibility of getting one of my own (sadly, not possible).

Never had that reaction with a baby. EVER.

So I'm pretty sure I don't want one.

People also love to say "you think that now but that all changes once you have them." Yeah, like I'm going to test that theory.

It really really bothers people when you say you don't want kids. I don't really get it. Why do they care?

People even go so far as to say "but you'd be so good at it." Now, I'm really not sure where they are getting that but they say it with such certainty it is as if they know me better than I know myself. Talk about weird. I would assume that not wanting them would be the basic indicator for NOT "being good at it" but what do I know.

I can't imagine having another little person to buy things for. I don't just like shopping for myself, I like shopping for anyone. It would really be a problem if I had a kid that grew out of everything in a minute and a half and I had an excuse to keep buying new, cute stuff. The whole thing would be disastrous. I have enough trouble controlling my urge to spend on the pugs (they currently have matching green, sequin bow ties that I couldn't resist). And let's face it. I have been on spending lockdown for a mere month and I'm full of anger and resentment, imagine if it was a lifetime of that. Grrrr. I'm not really interested in giving up all my time and energy and money. I have enough to worry about. Thanks but no thanks. It really just isn't my look.

All that being said,
I don't HATE babies outright. Honestly, I'm just not that impressed by them. I'm actually very good with babies and babies like me. I just don't automatically love them or get all gooey over them and I DON'T want one of my own. And for the record, I adore my nephew but not blindly. Seriously, he is is really clean, handsome, well dressed and well behaved. If he wasn't I'd still pretend to like him but it wouldn't be the same. I find it most fascinating that in order for people to reconcile my lack of baby goosh in their mind, they have to think I hate babies or I'm just a hateful person. I mean, why else would I NOT want them.