Is it just me or are you crazy?

So, I was sharing the size 7 clearance aisle at DSW with a woman and her, no more than 9 month old, son. Oh, and their giant stroller. You know what. Mom's need to shop. I get it. However, I didn't appreciate having to hear their really loud, I mean LOUD, one sided (for obvious reasons) conversation. It was non stop talking in that fake, high pitched, sing songy tone. All the while being completely in my way.

"I know. Those are cute aren't they? You're cute too. Yes, you are. Oh look at these." "You ruined mommy's figure and her feet. Didn't you? Didn't you? Oh well, you're worth it." "Oh, what's wrong. You can't let mommy shop. I know. I know. What? What? These look nice."

What the fuck? Is she kidding me with this? It is as if she were having the conversation for my benefit. Well here's a tip: DON'T. If you want to talk to me, talk to me. If not, why don't you try using your 'inside voice'.

"What? What? These aren't for mommy now. Back in the day maybe." "what do you think of these. Huh? You like them? Do you? Come on what? Sparkly huh?" "I know. I know what you want. Hold on. Ok, but just wait. Here you go"

At this point she sits on the floor in the aisle and starts breast feeding. And the chit chat continued. Great. I'm out. I can't shop for shoes now. This is ridiculous. The stroller in the way, them in the way, and the constant fucking inane chatter!

"YOU ARE RUINING THE CLEARACE AISLE FOR ME!"

I didn't scream out loud. Only in my head.

Seriously, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say the minimum age of someone to solicit fashion advice from is 5 years old.

I'm gonna hold firm on that.

Hansel and Gretel

People think it is weird that I don't want to have kids. Do you know what I think is weird? That people assume because I don't want babies that I hate them.

I've never had that "thing." That 'I want a baby' clock thing. The thought of having a baby makes me a little ill to be honest. And never ever being able to get away from being a mother (or even setting it a side for a minute) makes me want to jump off a cliff. Not to mention the getting fat part. I already have problems.

When I was younger every guy I dated loved to tell me "you'll change your mind." Let me tell you, being ignored and dismissed is a HUGE turn on.

I saw a video of a pygmy slow loris on the internet http://www.dogwork.com/superadorable/ and I researched for hours the possibility of getting one of my own (sadly, not possible).

Never had that reaction with a baby. EVER.

So I'm pretty sure I don't want one.

People also love to say "you think that now but that all changes once you have them." Yeah, like I'm going to test that theory.

It really really bothers people when you say you don't want kids. I don't really get it. Why do they care?

People even go so far as to say "but you'd be so good at it." Now, I'm really not sure where they are getting that but they say it with such certainty it is as if they know me better than I know myself. Talk about weird. I would assume that not wanting them would be the basic indicator for NOT "being good at it" but what do I know.

I can't imagine having another little person to buy things for. I don't just like shopping for myself, I like shopping for anyone. It would really be a problem if I had a kid that grew out of everything in a minute and a half and I had an excuse to keep buying new, cute stuff. The whole thing would be disastrous. I have enough trouble controlling my urge to spend on the pugs (they currently have matching green, sequin bow ties that I couldn't resist). And let's face it. I have been on spending lockdown for a mere month and I'm full of anger and resentment, imagine if it was a lifetime of that. Grrrr. I'm not really interested in giving up all my time and energy and money. I have enough to worry about. Thanks but no thanks. It really just isn't my look.

All that being said,
I don't HATE babies outright. Honestly, I'm just not that impressed by them. I'm actually very good with babies and babies like me. I just don't automatically love them or get all gooey over them and I DON'T want one of my own. And for the record, I adore my nephew but not blindly. Seriously, he is is really clean, handsome, well dressed and well behaved. If he wasn't I'd still pretend to like him but it wouldn't be the same. I find it most fascinating that in order for people to reconcile my lack of baby goosh in their mind, they have to think I hate babies or I'm just a hateful person. I mean, why else would I NOT want them.