Cooking is overrated anyway

I have a lot of spices for someone who doesn't cook. A great deal of cabinet space has been devoted to spices that I never use. I have no idea what I have because I so rarely use them. As a result I accidentally buy duplicate spices on the rare occasion that I think I need something. To be honest I have no idea why I have three bottles of curry and four of ground mustard. I can't recall ever making anything fancy enough to require that.

I used to pretend that I cooked. Back when I thought that I should.

I'm a more confident person now so I freely admit that the most I can do is assemble. Occasionally I will heat some weird combination of things and assemble them into something delicious. Delicious to me, that is. Nothing I would ever put in front of another human being.

Nothing I've created has ever required saffron or tarragon or coriander or all spice (whatever the flip that is) but I had it all.

I say "had" because I just discovered today (after years and years) that these things expire! It never occurred to me that spices go bad. Imagine my surprise and annoyance. I mean, I carted a lot of them across the country because I felt bad about throwing them away that and who wants to build a whole new useless spice collection? Not I. So I moved them. Several times. I dusted them. I allowed them more space than they deserved; only to find out they aren't just window dressing but rotten window dressing.
Not cool.

I can't express the huge amount of relief I felt when I threw them all away. I no longer have to open that cabinet and face all that judgment. That incessent "you should really know how to use us" sneer from the spice mob eight jars deep. I just hope whoever goes through the recycle bin doesn't connect me with the spice massacre. I'll never confess. That would be humiliating.

Nah, I'm pretty confident I look like I can cook.