When focus = obsession = spending

My focus this past month has been on skin care as my skin has been having a tragical time of it. This is possibly due to a hormonal upheaval which is possibly due to the fact that my recent birthday puts me firmly on the threshold of a new decade. My skin care regime now involves anti-aging, wrinkle repair, moisturizing, and acne wrangling. Oh yes, it is a delicate balance and a tricky tightrope to maneuver indeed.

This momentous birthday came with the overall intention to focus on my health and skin which in my mind will stave off any depression over not being 21 anymore.

Of course with me any new focus usually involves spending money on crazy things that will help me keep focused. Despite my knowledge of my ridiculousness I participate in it anyway.
It's not cool but it's the truth.

I've returned to the school of Perricone because ultimately I know he is right. Cleaner eating helps your insides and your outsides. That and while I was at the Planet Beauty looking for zit medicine I got sucked back into his vortex of expensive products that promise beautiful skin. But not in a miracle, magical way. More in a "you really have to eat right, take care of yourself AND spend a shitload of money" kind of way.

I'm currently waiting for my sample of Cold Plasma that I found online for only $10. It is regularly a really expensive product so finding a sample was a big deal. I realize that if I fall in love with it I will be looking at a really tough decision. But apparently "if you only use one product, this is it." That's what the girl at Planet Beauty told me anyway (genius name btw, who wouldn't want to live on a planet of beauty. I would love to commute between there and Planet Unicorn).

Of course while I was on the site I had to buy "Skin Clear" Supplements because that is my problem right now and it seemed like it was made just for me and what I am going through at this moment. It's like google whispers in my ear and says "hey girl, don't fret. We have just what you need." The siren song continued: "Hey, we know you are feeling a little tired and are always looking for an energy boost. Why not try a little of this?" So yes, I also bought something called PEP too. So my super cheap $10 "find" turned something a little more expensive.

But hey, it's all in the name of health...and good skin.
And vanity.

Marketing people must love me to death

So I am a HUGE fan of Project Runway as I have stated. Tonight I stumbled upon an infomercial for Heidi Klum's product "In an Instant." It apparently softens your wrinkles ummm instantly. I watched it for only about 5 min and they weren't telling me where I can get it and how many billions of dollars it is going to be. So I went online to check it out. It is $39.99 (why is it always something .99?)

Anyway, I caught myself mid purchase and realized I didn't really know what I was doing. All I know is I have wrinkles, I love Heidi Klum and she is telling me it works and I believe her. How long has Heidi been moonlighting like this?

Now I'm confused. I still really want it but I feel I owe it to myself and my pocketbook to pause a moment and really look into this product instead of thinking "if I hate it, I can get my money back." I LOVE trying new things. As I have also stated, I love believing in magic. I am not gullible, I'm full of hope. HUGE difference and to prove my point, tomorrow I will tell you about something I'm not getting sucked into.

So I am going to wait a few days and see if I'm still thinking about it. Or maybe I'll get it when the brand new wrinkle helper I just bought runs out.

This is my new thing. I pause. Most of the time I end up getting whatever it is but sometimes I don't.

For me that is progress.

Itsy bitsy

It is summer again and the catalogs all have bathing suits aplenty!

This is one of my favorite times of year. I love pouring over magazines, websites and catalogs carefully picking out bathing suits that I will NEVER buy, much less wear.

This year I'm picking a retro 1950's deal
Norma Kamali "Bill" and a less expensive version from Kimchi Blue at Urban Outfitters.


I haven't owned a bathing suit for 15 years. I have successfully structured my life to avoid the necessity. I don't swim, I don't tan (a conclusion finally reached after years of wearing baby oil and baking in the sun), I don't surf or boogie board or go anywhere or do anything that would necessitate wearing a bathing suit. I simply don't.

I used to swim a lot. I took lessons. I could do flips off the high dive. I actually advanced very quickly and was ready to qualify for my life guard certification but I was only 10. Unfortunately as I got older it was hello puberty, contacts, vanity/self consciousness and goodbye swimming.

I did the rounds with the makeshift swimsuit. You know, long shorts and a tank top (neither actually meant for swimming), I tried a "swimming dress" that never made it out of the house, board shorts and a sports bra (again not really made for water as much as I had thought). I once found myself in Hawaii for a job and with people I would never see again so I bought a $20 suit from a kiosk that disintegrated after 2 wears (the disposable suit).

I am also very attracted to the swimsuit coverup. Very cute with some flip flops and a nice pedicure. However, this look only really makes sense if you are near water. Maybe I should try it this year.

Who am I kidding?

"Know thyself."

I truly do not feel like I am missing anything by not going to the beach.

I'm older and wiser now and let's face it, I'm defeated. For me, wearing a swimsuit promises to be a day full of regret and self loathing. Why subject myself to that? I have way more fun things to do and wear. I also know that with my transparent skin tone, a day at the beach is like an open invitation to go to third base with melanoma. Why bother? My best course of action is to incorporate a swim suit cover up, SPF 500 and a wide brim hat into an outfit and then have lunch on the patio under an umbrella.

Now that sounds like a lovely day.

You can take my shoes...but not my pride

Yesterday, I returned the adorable wedges with the pictures of pin up girls all over them since the IRS has decided to cramp my style. They were going to be my show stopper, summer shoe. A conversation piece and a great shoe all in one. However, I couldn’t rationalize it since they came the day the IRS drained my checking account. Had they come before or way after, I could have pulled it off in my own mind. But no, the timing couldn’t be worse. So I wore them around the house to try and get my fix and while Ned was oddly fascinated by them and said they were “so cute” it really wasn’t the same as girlie admiration from my friends. Or even the tiny triumph when my yia yia* shakes her head and says “well you can pull it off” which isn’t really a compliment but I choose to take it as one.

So back in the box they went. What a crappy deal it is that I have to pay for return shipping! Why didn’t I see that before I bought them? As a rule I really am against my taking that risk and will only shop at places that have the free return deal. Blinded by shopping lust I guess. So, thank you IRS, insult to injury. I don’t want to exaggerate too much but this was really hard for me. And I was exorbitantly proud of my sacrifice.

And then today I went online and bought mushrooms (not the drug kind, the medicinal variety). I have just learned that they are amazing for your skin and energy levels. Good skin is a parallel obsession, so I am all in. IRS be damned! What is the point of reaching my goal weight if I am going to look old and wrinkly? (I have to plan ahead) We shall see if it works. I’m told I will see a difference in a week! I hope I can keep up with taking them. I do have 10 bottles of multi-vitamins that are also supposed to burn fat in my cabinet right now. I can’t seem to remember to take them. It’s like I WANT to be a fatty. In fairness I didn’t see immediate results and may have lost faith. That, and the fact that taking them on an empty stomach made me feel sick and that didn’t mesh with my trying not to eat thing. It is very complicated. Of course I should have stopped the auto delivery of them but I think in my mind I was really going to get back to taking them as soon as I started my “new” health regime which occurs every Monday.

*BTW, if you somehow were living under a rock and missed the mega hit “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” yia yia is greek for grandmother and I have one.