I'm not uniform

In general, I am anti-uniform. I truly believe that uniforms stamp out individuality and that is a crime. Expressing yourself through your clothing is pretty much what I am all about. I think being dressed like everyone else makes you feel helpless and defeated.
Ok, I'm not going to lie, the real reason I hate uniforms is because uniforms hate me.
They started it.

I personally do not have a figure for uniforms (none of them). Every uniform known to man makes my thighs look bigger, my legs look shorter, my ass gigantic, it just plain brings out all of my worst qualities and to make matters worse there is always that stupid bitch who looks amazing in whatever potato sack she's given. PS and by the way, that stupid bitch is usually my friend and is therefore constantly standing next to me like a giant neon "I'm with fatty" sign.
My greatest fear is being in one of those "Who Wore it Best" features. Ugh.

That being said, I'm not thrilled with the burden of freedom that I have at my new job. I know, I'm very hard to please, but hear me out. As a waitress you have some interesting obstacles when it comes to choosing clothing. You need something that represents who you are and yet can withstand the constant threat of destruction. Can you love your clothes and yet be willing to let them go when they are attacked by red wine, sweat and bleach? I'm not that evolved. That kind of thinking really goes against my hoarding instincts. Shoe options are restricted to comfortable which creates an interesting obstacle. Everything has to look good with or without an apron. On the plus side, I think aprons are flattering and I'm considering incorporating them into my non-work fashion.

I was a huge fan of the "all black" dress code at my last restaurant because
a) black is flattering
b) black hides a mess
c) I had specific work clothes which eliminated difficult decisions and piles of discarded outfits
d) All black looked like a uniform but with none of the drawbacks of an actual uniform (see above)

There isn't anything saying I can't wear all black at my new job.
But somehow that feels like cheating. I mean, I am a style therapist. I have a reputation to consider.
And what would I do with all the things I just bought "ya know, for work."

You think you know someone...

I got a new job.

I've worked in restaurants most of my life and yet my knowledge of food and wine is generally restricted to trying not to consume it. I've never been an adventurous eater. I'm really low end when it comes to food (I actually like grape jelly). I'm not fancy. I'm not a total country mouse, I mean, I know what a cheese plate is. I'm just saying that it has been a great challenge to try and educate myself so that I can sell this menu. This experience has caused me to come to a crushing and life altering realization...I am NOT a great server. All this time I thought I was. Turns out, nope.

I am a workhorse.
I am really sharp, I'm a prolific multi-tasker, I don't tire easily and I'm pleasant even when I'm in the weeds.
I am a great waitress.
I might even go as far as to say one of the best ever (and trust me I am aware of exactly how proud I should be of that).

I really suck at formalities and rules, exotic food, terroir and wine from every country. The whole experience has been unsettling.
It's like I don't even know me.

And that's not all. On top of all the stuff I have to learn (and act like I already knew) and the unsettling discovery that has created a fundamental shift in my whole identity...
There are NO UNIFORMS. Not even a dress code or color restrictions.

On the surface that could seem like a great thing, that is until you factor in the burden of freedom.

That, however, is a discussion for tomorrow.

Right now I have to go look up what pig trotters, ras el hanout, and lengua are.

Dress code: Business Attire

I just spent a week having to wear conservative "business attire" and let me tell you, I feel for people who have to spend the majority of their lives in "business attire."

First of all, it is way more difficult to show your individuality and personality with those tight boundaries. I hate having to worry if something is too flashy or crosses the line from conservative to...what is the opposite of conservative...stylish? No, there HAS to be some sense of style that still falls into conservative boundaries. Right? Is it that you aren't to draw too much attention to yourself?

I mean I get that there are skirt lengths and shoes that are unprofessional in the "business" sense of the word. I know slutty isn't professional unless you are a porn star. I'm talking more about the subtleties. Where is the line between drone and funky?

Shoes are an area for personality in the world of suits but they pose a difficulty. You have to wear shoes that are comfortable enough to last an 8-12 hour work day. How many super cute shoes fit that criteria?

Additionally, suits are expensive. I guess it is assumed that you can wear them over and over without judgment and therefore you need to invest in fewer of them. That sucks.

Literally, the blazers I bought 3 years ago seem frumpy now and I hate being the person who tries to pull of blacks that don't match as a suit. I had to do it but I hated myself every minute.

Anyway, my point is that my sympathies go out to those who have to live with such restrictive and expensive attire. Suits feel too much like uniforms. I've had to wear my share of Diner restaurant uniforms and while it made getting dressed much simpler, I felt like a little piece of me died every day.

Sigh.