If I could bottle it and sell it, I might make millions

I bought a vintage dress. It is kind of a weird 70's ish thing that is a great orange color with teal buttons. It is really too tight but I can still make it work and in 10lbs it will be even cuter. I'm not really a vintage fan. I don't mean in terms of style. I love anything that looks like it is from another era, I just don't like it to actually be from that era. This dress was so cute that I thought I could break myself of my actual vintage phobia but I simply can't get past the smell. Every thrifty/vintage store has it. I tried washing the dress but not only did it not help even a little, it actually made everything else smell like it. Now I think my whole closet is going to smell like a store with 70 year old group body odors mixed with moth balls and attic.

I so want to be a cool vintage thrift girl. It isn't that I'm snobby. I swear. It is that I have an overly acute olfaction. And I'm not even saying it is a bad smell. It is just a distinct smell and I can't abide it.

I think I can do vintage hats because I may not be able to smell what is on my head. However, that may be even worse now that I think about it.

I have no trouble wearing costumes so it can't be that I don't want to wear used clothes. In theatre that kind of comes with the territory (I do always request pit pads but that isn't a big deal, is it?) I think that smell is more contained to the theatre and is therefore more acceptable to me. I've worn things that have been sprayed with vodka and water in lieu of cleaning so that proves something about me not being a total germaphobe.

I don't know what it is but I better take some vodka and water to this thing pretty quickly because I already have the boots I'm going to wear with it all picked out.

Grrrr stinky frock.