Artist seeking Benefactor

Where are the wealthy patrons of yore? Those rich mofos who, for whatever weird reason, would support artists of less fortunate means. I'm really in the market for one of those right about now. That was such a great system. Where the hell did it go?

I suppose my family is thinking "Isn't that what you'd freaking call us?" But no. That is different.

It just is.

For one, they aren't fabulously wealthy. They are hard working people and their giving is a sacrifice. Out of the kindness of their hearts they make sure I'm not eating cat food and dancing on Venice beach wearing a tattered purple dress that is so short it shows my old bikini bottom layered over giant, dirty underwear.

I'm talking about a truly wealthy person who gives money to an artist because it makes them look cultured and cool and better than other rich people.

I'm sure it has it's drawbacks: power plays, struggles for creative control, weird payback demands.

It still sounds better than what I've got now.

PLUS I'm hugely qualified to receive money for just being me.
For any potential benefactors reading this, you should know I'm not only good at spending my own money, I'm excellent at helping other people spend theirs. I'm not exaggerating when I say
I have elevated it to an art form.

The first thing I would do is have my patron buy the piazza sofa. I believe it is essential for my work. Then I would sit around all day thinking about stuff because that is what I do. I would buy interesting outfits and come up with more style challenges for myself. Yes, that is art! I am my own canvas. I would be eccentric and sparkley and I would really earn my position as the foremost advisor in how my patron's style budget should be spent.

Ok, admittedly this whole thing sounds like the jobs I used to create for myself when I was 10. What I wanted "to be" when I "grew up" always had a huge fairytale quality about it. This was also about the same time I actually thought I could BE a cartoon. Still a lifelong dream oddly enough.

It is interesting to note that when you type "benefactor" into google, this is the first thing that pops up:

SeekingArrangement.com/Join-Free Find Rich Benefactors or Mentors to Pamper you? 100% Free for Girls.

Please. I'm not looking for a sugar daddy.

I am an ARTIST. I have standards.

kristalally@gmail.com
serious inquiries only!

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WTF on the skinny jeans thing?

Skinny jeans are a phenomenon that must go away and go away soon. I've been patient. I've tried to see their value in the fashion world. I've even waited to see if I would turn the corner and become a convert. Things I initially hate I sometimes end up loving. I admit it.

Not this time.

And now I am resentful of the large portion of the pants market they have taken up. They are everywhere. An otherwise cute pair of pants ruined by a hole so small you can barely get your foot through. A giant neon "look how big my thighs are" sign pointing upward from the ankle.

Skinny jeans must go.

I feel very alone in my quest to rid the world of skinny jeans. I've been to the mall. I've seen it over and over again. People are being led astray by this trend. They are being manufactured by the zillions. Every season I think "come on. everyone must have caught on by now" But no.

Skinny jeans are oddly incongruous. They don't make anyone look skinny. They are not flattering even on skinny people. And for those less fortunate than the perfectly thin, they give you an inverted cone shape that cannot be denied. Don't even try. Didn't we all learn this lesson from our 80's stint of rolling the bottom of our jeans tight to the ankle? It was a mistake. We are supposed to learn from, not repeat them.

I imagine that skinny jeans were invented so skinny girls could see what it feels like to have fat thighs and a big butt. The illusion is such that no matter how thin you are, these jeans make your butt look big. I hate to be harsh but the truth must be told. You don't have a big butt, but your pants are saying you do.

Pencil pants- great. Straight leg - fine. Sturrup pants - please help me, don't come back but at least you aren't skinny jeans.

This is, of course, only my opinion. However, I am not wrong.

To bubble skirt or not to bubble skirt...that is the question

A girl walked into the restaurant last night wearing a bright blue, mini bubble skirt with a tight black top and black heels. She was young and cute and on a date. However brave she might have been, there was no denying that she wasn't so much wearing the bubble as the bubble was wearing her. It was quite a head turning look, but sadly, for all the wrong reasons. One of the boys said to me:

"Now that is a faux pas, right? Or is that really a trend?"
"oh no, that is definitely a trend. One of the 80's comeback fashions."

For those of you that need a reminder see below.

I find it is key to remember that just because something is a trend, doesn't mean it is a trend for me.

It is useful advice really. Following a trend blindly can lead you down a precarious path.

Know thyself.

I (painfully) had to skip an entire year of shopping at H&M because everything was for the flat of chest. The cutest waif like clothes ever. I wanted to be that girl (and I do often shop for her) but my BFF, dressing room mirror, continually reminded me that, alas, I am not.

There are plenty of cute, fun fashions out there. Don't pick something you can't back up. If you can't fully envision and step into the persona of that trend then you won't be able to pull it off. People like your clothes because of HOW you wear them more than the clothes themselves.

Pushing your own style envelope is encouraged but requires an attitude that matches whatever you put on. Otherwise you are just giving the wrong message.

Timing is also important. I've pre-picked outfits for certain events and when it came time to put them on, I just wasn't in the right mindset. You have to be able to shift gears and wear what you are in the mood for. It makes a huge difference in how your night goes.

One last thing:
Use your friends. They are invaluable. I send pictures if I can't get in person feedback. If you think your friends won't give it to you straight or can't see beyond their own taste in order to give you solid advice, please contact me.

I'm here to help.
kristalally@gmail.com

There's More...

I've always been intrigued by the "smokey eye." It is fabulous. Here is a good example.


I personally can't really get it to work on my eye. Pretty sure it is my eye shape. However, I continually make an attempt to see if things have changed. I mostly end up reminding myself of looking more like a burnout in 8th grade but whatever, I don't give up easily.

Wore it to work and honestly no one really noticed, but I have kept myself entertained and even challenged if you will. I'm really of the "try try again" school of thought. Used camerabag's magazine filter. Love camerabag and still love "smokey eye" on other people.

Krista's summer vacation pt. 2

With the internet still out I had some extra time to stare at the wall and pick a blue.

I saw "velvet morning" on the Apartment Therapy blog. They really have an inspiring site. However the picture on my computer screen didn't really match the paint chip in the store. It is still a beautiful color but I had the computer screen blue stuck in my head so I tried to find a blue to match it.

The winner: Embellished Blue from Behr.

I picked embellished blue because it seemed happy and fun. However, the lady at the Home Depot was neither. She was really abrupt and snotty. I had some questions that I wanted to ask but she didn't really seem open to the idea. I really wanted to say "you know paint lady, I'm about to go home and fuck up my walls so I would appreciate a little support here."

But I didn't. She really didn't seem to want to use her powers for good that day.

Tommy convinced me that I needed to roll the paint instead of my original idea of using a tiny brush to do the whole thing. Here is a free tip from Tommy (fireman/parametic and professional painter on the side): Don't buy a cheap roller. You can go cheap on the handle and the pan, but buy at least a 50/50 blend on the roller. I can't remember the exact materials that make up that split but I do remember that one of those 50% needs to be lamb's wool.

Raul in the Home Depot parking lot asked if I needed help painting. I declined because I'm really trying to be a do it yourselfer. However, after the paint lady, I really appreciated the back up so I took his number. He said he is a handyman and let's face it, there are some things that I can't do myself. Usually I just live with whatever it is I can't do, but now that I have Raul that may change.

Newshead is pretty handy but he can be quite the naysayer when it comes to hanging things on the walls. He says our walls can't handle it. I've believed him for years but I'm starting to get suspicious. Everyone I know hangs their shit on the walls. Why are our walls so delicate? He kind of hints at this vague idea that we are going to create giant, unfixable holes in the walls. So, I'm just going to mention that I'll call Raul and see what happens. Already my new friend Raul is proving himself to be quite the handyman.

Step one of recreating my creative workspace done in one internetless day. Results below. (No camerabag filter applied here fyi).

Krista's summer vacation pt. 1

I was given an unpaid and unexpected vacation!

From the internet.

I was gone for almost a week and let me tell you, it was something.

I can't wait to tell you all about it.

It sucked. What a crappy vacation.

I don't think I would choose to go back. I do have a fabulous iphone but let's face it, it isn't a computer so I had to keep everything to the necessities. Which essentially means I read my emails and then forgot to answer most of them because I wasn't really able to type back an appropriately verbose response. I hit Rose's internet cafe once (thankfully it was open late) but it isn't the same as using your own computer (it isn't my own bed, my own pajamas etc.) and it is really distracting when you are surrounded by cute clothes, wedding plans, and fun chit chat. Web surfing is really a solitary sport.

In the end, it turned out alright. I got a lot out of it and I tried to pretend it was really freeing or whatever people say to sound cup half full and stuff.

Well enough of the whining. Mercury and its lingering retrograde effects should finally be gone for awhile. I read that on astrologyzone.com before my brownout for anyone whose keeping track.

Here are some things I accomplished/discovered while on vacation:

If there is anyone who doesn't clip shit out of magazines everytime you read them you should really start. Why? Because it is fun. You can keep a file of inspiring or striking things and go through them when your internet is down.

I have a picture of Kate Moss from the August 2008 Vogue issue. I liked her hair. So I attempted to recreate it on my own head. It really turned out to be more "reminicent of" than a "recreation of" but whatever, that still counts and it made for a "very special" Tuesday night at work.

You will notice that Kate is in a limo while I am not. I believe the difference ends there.

I also discovered the Camera Bag application on my iphone. Truly the greatest. I'm in love with their many hip and beautiful filters. My self portrait above has the "Helga" filter on it. I look way cooler with it.

More on my vacation adventures to follow. There really is too much to put in one blog entry.

As you can see it was an exciting whirlwind of a time.

Although I am glad to be back.