The sole that sunk a thousand ships full of shoes

I may have said this before. It is hard to keep track and let's face it, I've admitted to having recurring/repeat thoughts.

I don't understand people who "don't like" to shop. I'm married to one and I still can't get over how weird it is. Newshead's idea of shopping is going in, getting exactly what you were looking for and walking out. Bizarre.

I bring things home for him because if I had to wait for him to go shopping for clothes, he would look like a homeless person after awhile. If you are having any doubts, this is a person who says "but I have a pair of brown shoes" and until they fall off his feet he doesn't see the need for another pair. First of all, just because they are brown doesn't mean they are the same. Secondly, I don't believe in a universal, uber shoe. Doesn't exist. Shoes have a great deal of personality and they have quite a bit to say. They can change a blah outfit into something special. The right shoes have the power to elevate your entire look. It is all about the details and shoes are a very important detail, please don't neglect them.

Not only does Newshead dislike shopping, he is actually suspicious of stores. Buying him things is like navigating a land mine, one wrong move and that's it. I finally got him to wear a new pair of brown shoes to work and an hour later he emailed me to say that the sole was coming off. Then he said we better return all the shoes because the store was obviously trying to sell us crap. One pair of faulty shoes on a clearance rack and the entire industry just crumbled. It is lunacy and I'm not quite sure how to combat such faulty logic. Talk about throwing out the baby with the bathwater. It is enough to drive a style therapist to madness.

There are a lot of people out there like Newshead.

I have got my work cut out for me.

words words words

I've decided I use the word "awesome" too much. Some words from my youth I have given up. For example, the overuse of the word "like" and "dude." I read an old letter of mine that had so many "likes" in it I wanted to punch myself in the face. For some reason I can't find an acceptable replacement for the word "awesome". I'm not sure if I'm using it a lot more lately or what, but I've noticed myself saying it quite a bit and it is starting to grate on my nerves.

I can't decide if I sound like an old person trying to sound young or just an old person because young people don't really use that word any longer. And btw, I'm using the word "old" in the sense that I am not a teenager.

I better find an awesome equivalent soon or I'm like totally going to hurl.

Photoshop is Awesome when they make you a flawless version of yourself. Not so much when they make you look like someone else entirely.

I've been seeing this Louis Vuitton ad in every magazine and I've only just now figured out that it isn't Keira Knightly.
It is Madonna.

This picture looks like Madonna and I am mad for that outfit.

Marketing people must love me to death

So I am a HUGE fan of Project Runway as I have stated. Tonight I stumbled upon an infomercial for Heidi Klum's product "In an Instant." It apparently softens your wrinkles ummm instantly. I watched it for only about 5 min and they weren't telling me where I can get it and how many billions of dollars it is going to be. So I went online to check it out. It is $39.99 (why is it always something .99?)

Anyway, I caught myself mid purchase and realized I didn't really know what I was doing. All I know is I have wrinkles, I love Heidi Klum and she is telling me it works and I believe her. How long has Heidi been moonlighting like this?

Now I'm confused. I still really want it but I feel I owe it to myself and my pocketbook to pause a moment and really look into this product instead of thinking "if I hate it, I can get my money back." I LOVE trying new things. As I have also stated, I love believing in magic. I am not gullible, I'm full of hope. HUGE difference and to prove my point, tomorrow I will tell you about something I'm not getting sucked into.

So I am going to wait a few days and see if I'm still thinking about it. Or maybe I'll get it when the brand new wrinkle helper I just bought runs out.

This is my new thing. I pause. Most of the time I end up getting whatever it is but sometimes I don't.

For me that is progress.

I accidentially came across this on the "Yahoo Answers" website

Question: Are you gonna watch Cougar Town starring Courteney Cox next week?
are u gonna watch it? do u think it will do good?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Yes, I do plan on watching it. I love Courtney Cox and I think the show looks like it'll be good : )

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

Me2!
:)

Seriously? These are the questions people are asking the internet at large?
I am beyond bewildered.

I can't help but be insanely curious about what was going on just before the "Asker" turned to the internet to have a lame conversation. And of course I would LOVE to know WhyTF the "best answer" person felt compelled to answer.

It doesn't get better than this

This never fails to make me laugh.

Because I believe in magical things like unicorns named Tom Cruise and my legs getting longer as soon as I reach my goal weight.

Life is good.

If you had any doubt, I've always been this way

(you can click on the image and enlarge my humiliation for easier viewing)

This is an actual page of my "food diary" from Jr. High. Typical of me I only have this one page but this one page really speaks volumes.

I distinctly remember my inner monologue going something like this:
"It is so unfair. Why aren't I skinny like Denise Goodwin? I try so hard. I'd do anything to not be so fat."

Really?

Looking at the above food journal, I would have to agree, the reason I was overweight is still a complete mystery.

If anyone is wondering what a crispito is, it is a fried meat and cheese Mexican type food. Please note, I only ate 1/2. I was really watching it.

And if you think you can't read the last line, it does, in fact, say 1/2 mayonnaise sandwich (again, cutting back) and 4 oreo cookies (not the whole bag? Good work).

My continual weight gain was still a mystery in college.
"What is going on? I eat salad every day and I cannot lose a pound. I am so frustrated by how unfair this is!"

Ummmm that "salad" was a BREAD BOWL of iceberg lettuce with ranch dressing and whole wheat crackers crushed in it. Dessert was two boxes of granola cereal with milk ("it's granola! It's like natural and good for you").

I have since grown up. I realize now that my weight gain isn't happening to me, it is happening because of me.

My inner monologue sounds more like this now:

"Ugh this is so unfair. I just want to be really skinny and I don't want to have to do anything to achieve it."